Nofuture.org.uk

Liverpool’s starting XI for the game against Stoke earlier today:

1. Reina, £6m – Goalkeeper
2. Aurelio, Free – Full Back
3. Kyrgiakos, £1.5m – Centre Back
4. Insua, Free – Full Back
5. Carragher, Trainee – Centre Back
6. Degen, Free – Full Back
7. Skrtel, £6.5m – Centre Back
8. Mascherano, £18m – Defensive Midfielder
9. Lucas, £6m – Defensive Midfielder
10. Kuyt, £10m – Attacking Midfielder
11. Ngog, £1.5m – Striker

What an absolute joke; 3 full backs, 3 centre backs, 2 defensive midfielders, 1 attacking midfielder and 1 striker with a total of thirteen goals between them this season! This sums up everything wrong with Liverpool under Benitez right now, our only attacking options on the pitch at kick off were David N’Gog, a 20 year old striker who’s played less than 50 senior matches in his entire career, and Dirk Kuyt, a striker who’s confidence in front of goal sunk to such lows in his first season at the club that Benitez converted him to a wide midfielder.

Meanwhile, on the bench sat nearly £30m worth of attacking ‘talent’ that Rafa has signed; Albert Riera (£8m), Alberto Aquilani (£20m), and Maxi Rodriquez (£1.5m). It’s easy to blame the Americans for Liverpool’s problems but the fact is that Rafa has had the money, and he has had the time, the players aren’t good enough and that is only one person’s fault now.

Best starting XI 2003/04:
Dudek, Finnan, Riise, Carragher, Hyypia, Hamann, Murphy, Gerrard, Kewell, Heskey, Owen

Best starting XI 2009/10:
Reina, Johnson, Insua, Carragher, Skrtel, Mascherano, Lucas, Gerrard, Benayoun, Kuyt, Torres

Are we any stronger than we were 6 seasons ago under Gerard Houllier? In my opinion: no.

There are no words .. these are best impressions I’ve seen in a long time — mind you the current crop of TV impressionists are pretty dire so that’s not saying much.

I guess if I was going to have to watch Man Utd or Chelsea win the Champions League the best I could hoped for was seeing the man who epitomises everything I hate about Chelsea fluff the penalty kick that would have won the Champions League for his team and then watch the opposition go on to win the trophy…

The next morning I caught this on Sky Sports News — and have been waiting for it to turn up on YouTube ever since.

Amazingly, incredibly, Liverpool are the champions of Europe having come back from 3-0 down at half time to beat AC Milan 3-2 on penalties. This is something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime, yet alone in the first year under a new a manager who clearly has a lot of rebuilding to do following the last two years of decline under Houllier. The night of May 25, 2005 will live with me forever.

Originally posted on the official Liverpool Football Club forums on June 29 2004, by ‘Joshytoohotty’.

As news of a 3pm press conference seeps through the bald, nausiating head of Peter Kenyon, he then begings the celebrations. Giving his new best bud Roman a call, the two settle down to celebrate the signing of Steven Gerrard. Roman with his Smirnoff and Kenyon with his pink WKD, the two are rather chuffed with their weeks work, of course the tap up merchants Lampard, Cole and Terry will be heavily rewarded.

*Roman walks into the richly decorated and sick makingly expensive house of Chelsea CEO, Peter Kenyon*

Kenyon: Ah, hi there Roman. You’ve arrived here just in time to watch Parry publically declare that Steven Gerrard will no longer be a Liverpool player.

*Kenyon takes a sip of his pink WKD*

Roman: Let’s just say that this is the best peice of work you have completed yet Peter, your brilliance will of course be heavily rewarded.

*Roman takes a sip of his vodka whilst grinning to himself at the power of his roubles*

Kenyon: Of course you do realise that money was never my motivation for doing this Roman. I’m a Chelsea fan through and through, I only did it because of severe love for this club.

Roman: Of course I realise this Peter.

*Kenyon takes another sip of his WKD, this time looking satisfied with his non-mercenary appearance*

Kenyon: Ah, I think it’s about time for the press conference Roman. Shall we tune in? I bought this plasma screen the other day.

*Kenyon picks up his shiny Sky Digital remote, and with a flick of the TV guide button and the prompt switching of channels, he locates Sky Sports News. Lifting his feet up and taking a slow sip of his WKD, he grins smugly*

Kenyon: Those bloody scousers got what’s coming to them, I can’t wait to see the riots break out around Liverpool.

Roman: Quite.

*Sky Sports News begins*

Fit Blonde Bird off SSN: We will shortly be going live to Anfield where details of Liverpool’s major announcment are set to be revealed.

Kenyon: Ah, excellent, here it is. That bird is one peice of ass, I could just…

*Roman promptly interupts him*

Roman: Please Peter, not now.

*Roman takes a swift gulp of his Vodka, looking disgustingly at the grotesk vision of Kenyon, somewhat exasperrated from his moment of excitement.*

*The television swiftly moves to Parry and Steven Gerrard*

Kenyon: Here we are Roman, time for me to get loads of money, I mean glory.

Roman: Quite, Peter, Quite.

Parry: Usually Press Conferences are called to confirm that players are signing.

*Kenyon mouths, “But today is to confirm that one is leaving”*

Parry: But today is to confirm that one is staying, that player, is Steven Gerrard.

*Suddenly, a jet of vodka flys from Roman’s mouth, promptly smacking Kenyon on the side of the face*

Roman: Peter, you will pay for this

Kenyon: But, But, this, it’s not my fault.

*Kenyon swiftly devours the remainder of his pink WKD, before sending a nervous glance Roman’s way*

Kenyon: I, I, do still get paid for this, don’t I?

Roman: Oh you’ll get paid alright, you’ll get paid.

*Kenyon breaths a sigh of relief*

*Roman flicks the top of his shiny silver mobile phone open, hits a couple of buttons and closes it again*

Kenyon: So who next then Roman? How about I give Theirry Henry another go?

Roman: I do not think that will be necessary, Peter.

*Suddenly, three skin headed Russians enter, wielding Smirnoff bottles, one ***** Kenyon on the top of his shiny head with a bottle, the three then drag him out*

Roman: Get Lampard, Terry and Cole on the way back lads, they won’t get away with this.

*Roman leaves the house of Kenyon in a gentlemanly fassion, finishing off his vodka, and dialing the number of Deco….*

Before the start of the 2003/4 season Houllier completed the signing of Harry Kewell from Leeds; hailed as ‘the final piece in the jigsaw’ by pundits and supporters alike, Houllier’s Liverpool were tipped for greatness .. Liverpool scraped into fourth place finishing thirty points behind unbeaten champions Arsenal.

The end of the season saw Houllier sacked on May 24 2004, ironically just five days after finally losing patience with one of his most costly flops; Emile Heskey — sold to Birmingham City for a fraction of what we had paid for him just four years previously. Rafael Benitez was installed as Liverpool manager on June 16 2004, Liverpool cannot afford to make any more mistakes in the transfer market, hopefully ‘Beni’ will prove a more shrewd operator in the transfer market than the last four managers at Anfield have been.

I spoke to him three weeks ago and it was clear he was not happy. He was down and wants success

Not the words I like to hear coming from Rick Parry when he’s talking about the best midfielder in Europe. For all Houllier’s claims that he has left this club with a footballing legacy that will come good, I see a squad of talented players dissillusioned at a club heading nowhere, none more so than Michael Owen and Steven Gerrard. Hopefully these players will give Benitez a chance to prove that he can undo the damage that Houllier has done to the club in the past few seasons.

The biggest non-secret in football was confirmed as Chelsea held a press conference to appoint their new manager: Jose Mourinho. This guy is so confident it is breathtaking, so refreshing from all the “we’ll do our best” attitudes of most managers these days.

We have top players and, sorry if I’m arrogant, we have a top manager.

I’m not a defender of old or new football managers. I believe in good ones and bad ones, those that achieve success and those that don’t. Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.

He reminds me of Shankly and Clough. It’s a real shame Liverpool couldn’t beat Chelsea to his signature, although it looks like Rafa Benitez may well be on his way to Anfield after he quit Valencia yesterday.

Rick Parry claims Liverpool will be ready to unveil a new manager within two weeks, maybe it’s just co-incidence but Rafa Benitez would have to give 2 weeks written notice to leave his contract at Valencia should he be on his way to Anfield…

Sepp Blatter is again trying to interfere with English domestic football, apparently he’ll ‘let us’ have 18 teams in the top flight if we abandon F.A. Cup replays. Maybe he hasn’t noticed, but in this country domestic football is a lot more important than national football, and to be honest international fixtures in the domestic season are an unwelcome distraction from the real football.