For the things in life which make me glad I'm not dead yet.
Blog Archives
On Having a Positive Attitude
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
– Herm Albright
Discovery
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
– The Scientist Speculates: an Anthology of Partly-Baked Ideas (Irving John Good, 1962)
Even Superman Plays Video Games
I think video games is a bigger problem than guns, because video games affect people. But the First Amendment limits what we can do about video games and the Second Amendment to the Constitution limits what we can do about guns.
Just let those words sink in for a moment: "Video games is a bigger problem than guns"! Because video games affect people!? Guns obviously have no affect on people, that's why we hand them out to our armed forces. Oh, hang on a moment, now I realise his mistake — he was thinking about Superman, guns do have no affect on Superman. Even Superman plays video games!
Daily Mail Headline of the Year
"Daily Mail Headline Of The Year", from Football365's always entertaining Mediawatch …
"Breakdown of the family. Single mothers. Soft justice. Drugs. Multiculturalism. Welfarism. Educational failure…for 30 years, Britain's liberal intelligentsia has smashed virtually every social value. In this blistering analysis, Melanie Phillips says we're now paying the price – HOW THE LIBERALS RUINED BRITAIN."
Slightly disappointing they couldn't get house prices in there. Still, surely there's no way they can top that.
Curse the liberal intelligentsia, curse them to hell!
Sherlock Holmes vs Jack the Ripper
Sherlock Holmes: Now for the motive. Despite my almost complete lack of practical experience on the subject, I have a rather precise idea of the usefulness of a uterus and a vagina. Nonetheless, once they are separated from their usual envelope, I am more circumspect as to the uses one can make of them. What do you think, Watson?
Could not make it up if I tried 🙂
On Prostitute Shaggers
Amazing quote from Assou-Ekotto, a rare case of a footballer showing some awareness of the world the rest of us live in.
The tendency in football at the moment is that as long as you’re not a prostitute shagger then it’s OK, it’s no big deal. Wayne’s not very well and it’s a dirty thing for his wife to know he had relations with a prostitute. He was seeing the same bird for seven months… We kick a ball around and we earn 100,000, 200,000 or even 300,000 euros a week. We don’t improve the world. It’s not like we invented hot water. We just kick a ball. But sometimes when these guys go out, you’d think they were rock stars.
I could understand that you wear dark glasses at night time when you do open-heart surgery and save lives, but not if you’re a footballer. I’m not in the same world as most of the people in football. I really don’t like this world. These people didn’t feed me, they didn’t bring me into the world and my life won’t improve by going to a nightclub and drinking loads of champagne.
– Benoit Assou-Ekotto.
True of the Majority of Mankind
We can become accustomed to anything. Well fed, well looked after, but always closely watched, Candide was not utterly disgusted with his condition. Good cheer, and the various amusements offered by Ismael’s slaves, gave him respite from his sorrows. He was unhappy only when he thought: and that is true of the majority of mankind.
– Candide (Voltaire )
Democracy
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what it is you want to hear.
– Alan Coren
The Great Mystery of the Universe
… time travelling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: Women.
– Christopher Lloyd (Doc. Emmett Brown, Back to the Future part 2)
A Certain Lack of Qualities
The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities
– Aristotle