Kenyon and Abramovich toast the Gerrard deal
Originally posted on the official Liverpool Football Club forums on June 29 2004, by ‘Joshytoohotty’.
As news of a 3pm press conference seeps through the bald, nausiating head of Peter Kenyon,
he then begings the celebrations. Giving his new best bud Roman a call, the two
settle down to celebrate the signing of Steven Gerrard. Roman with his Smirnoff and Kenyon
with his pink WKD, the two are rather chuffed with their weeks work, of course the tap up
merchants Lampard, Cole and Terry will be heavily rewarded.
*Roman walks into the richly decorated and sick makingly expensive house of
Chelsea CEO, Peter Kenyon*
Kenyon: Ah, hi there Roman. You’ve arrived here just in time to watch Parry publically
declare that Steven Gerrard will no longer be a Liverpool player.
*Kenyon takes a sip of his pink WKD*
Roman: Let’s just say that this is the best peice of work you have completed yet Peter,
your brilliance will of course be heavily rewarded.
*Roman takes a sip of his vodka whilst grinning to himself at the power of his roubles*
Kenyon: Of course you do realise that money was never my motivation for doing this Roman.
I’m a Chelsea fan through and through, I only did it because of severe love for this club.
Roman: Of course I realise this Peter.
*Kenyon takes another sip of his WKD, this time looking satisfied with his non-mercenary
Kenyon: Ah, I think it’s about time for the press conference Roman. Shall we tune in? I
bought this plasma screen the other day.
*Kenyon picks up his shiny Sky Digital remote, and with a flick of the TV guide button and
the prompt switching of channels, he locates Sky Sports News. Lifting his feet up and
taking a slow sip of his WKD, he grins smugly*
Kenyon: Those bloody scousers got what’s coming to them, I can’t wait to see the
riots break out around Liverpool.
*Sky Sports News begins*
Fit Blonde Bird off SSN: We will shortly be going live to Anfield where details
of Liverpool’s major announcment are set to be revealed.
Kenyon: Ah, excellent, here it is. That bird is one peice of ass, I could just…
*Roman promptly interupts him*
Roman: Please Peter, not now.
*Roman takes a swift gulp of his Vodka, looking disgustingly at the grotesk vision of
Kenyon, somewhat exasperrated from his moment of excitement.*
*The television swiftly moves to Parry and Steven Gerrard*
Kenyon: Here we are Roman, time for me to get loads of money, I mean glory.
Roman: Quite, Peter, Quite.
Parry: Usually Press Conferences are called to confirm that players are signing.
*Kenyon mouths, “But today is to confirm that one is leaving”*
Parry: But today is to confirm that one is staying, that player, is Steven Gerrard.
*Suddenly, a jet of vodka flys from Roman’s mouth, promptly smacking
Kenyon on the side of the face*
Roman: Peter, you will pay for this
Kenyon: But, But, this, it’s not my fault.
*Kenyon swiftly devours the remainder of his pink WKD, before sending a
nervous glance Roman’s way*
Kenyon: I, I, do still get paid for this, don’t I?
Roman: Oh you’ll get paid alright, you’ll get paid.
*Kenyon breaths a sigh of relief*
*Roman flicks the top of his shiny silver mobile phone open,
hits a couple of buttons and closes it again*
Kenyon: So who next then Roman? How about I give Theirry Henry another go?
Roman: I do not think that will be necessary, Peter.
*Suddenly, three skin headed Russians enter, wielding Smirnoff bottles,
one ***** Kenyon on the top of his shiny head with a bottle, the three then drag him out*
Roman: Get Lampard, Terry and Cole on the way back lads, they won’t get away with this.
*Roman leaves the house of Kenyon in a gentlemanly fassion, finishing off his vodka,
and dialing the number of Deco….*